Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
