hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
