You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They took my balls.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
