My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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