At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
