whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
