I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
