I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
