my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
