im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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