I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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