from now on my penis is your penis
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
