Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
