y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is Oprah even human
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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