you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
