So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
