I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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