She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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