Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
