Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
