I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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