i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
