Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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