You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
