If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
