Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
