Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
