i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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