I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
