i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Still dying that you shit outside
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
