It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
