I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
