why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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