Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
