Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
