The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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