so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
