I've blown a few things in my day
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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