Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
