Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
