She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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