May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
