haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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