I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
the raccoons are back...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
