its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
