WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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