Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
