another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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