dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
