No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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