I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
