i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
