Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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