I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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