Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
