Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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