Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
