he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
