the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
