he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A bitchslap is in order.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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