I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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