we have officially lost it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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