I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize