Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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