Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
