You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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