I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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