My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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