I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
