did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
