this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
