Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
