Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
