Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
