i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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